retrospect

ETERNITY

lost in life

WANDERLUST...

Beautiful things do take your mind
On a wanderlust...
I sense a decline in Retrospect.

It's the hope of a mountain
Thats lost in the mist...
I thus cannot take my leave.

What is my humble life?
But a drop of existence
In the essence of forsaken time?

I belong in its glory...
Though it blinds my touch...
ThankGod for small favours...
Or I'm nothing much.

I savour my little treats...
Trust in their right...
Little I might have later...
As I disagree with life.
----------------------------------

Divine and Evil..(all i forsake...)

Eyes dim, where hope once glimmered...
Callous am so, I blatantly display...

The pictures have changed
As names got lost in the sands...
It isn't my fault really
I searched and searched and begged my hands.

God makes me falter
As i admit with fervour...
People are unreliable; they come and go...
My faith permits me no saviour
Like the one I cherish so.

My heart beats perilously...
As shadows come in the wake....
I sense them only to be my hands...
Up in penitinence of faults I forsake.
------------------------------------------------

A WALK to remember...

Eyes hold tender...
The love that lingers on...
He beckons her near...
She smiles but hesitant...

He slows his step...
Gazing in wonder...
As the light that adds a halo...
To her sunburnt hair...

The shadows get deeper...
Sand drifts into their eyes...
Closed for an instance...
Wanting to touch...Echoes of rain...
As they drift so ever near...

Take his hand...
As the light dims gently...
Precarious in leaving...
The dew holds heavy...

The golden dusk that befalls...
Atlast has charmed the silence.

Take my hand...
Tremble no more...
Allow me to remember...
This kindness of your soul.
----------------------------------------------------

Dwelling on Insignificance...

I thought it wasn't important...
But my secret seems not reliable anymore...
No more of its significance...
I need to seek the stars that aren't out there anymore....

I long for those Heavens...
Who's doors lack existence...
I cherish their prophecies...
Which aren't meant to be...

See my flimsy will...
Its brought upon me a light...
But with it a darkness falls...
Thats here to stay all night...

I immerse my vain self
In a cauldron of loathing...
Its compassion for you
But its a pity I care not for...

I dream of stars that lack the light...
They are here to stay no more...
Reminiscence is weak...
I cannot deny their power over me...

Funny how nothing changes...
I was insignificant, but now no more...
This dwelling secret of mine...
Has tainted my will atlast...
I live, but not anymore.

This raw mortality comes
In doses I can't measure...
I sense I'm alive...
Denying my right to be...

So make me less aware...
Stop them from taking over...
Recollections of what I never was...
Before I can sense its no more....

I'm still crying tonight...
I need not rely on myself anymore....
--------------------------------------------------

FASCINATIONS..

Circles of life do turn us away...
The need is there to experience your vicinty...

Demand does the heart...
The soul vainly comprehends...
But the hand of love slowly ascends....

The fickle gaze...
The questionable stance...
The heart beats perilously...
The finger of fate wound in delightful compromise...
The feeling....disconcerting.

Merrilly, the fussy outside enters....
The dream over for now...
But tommorow's another day to be yours...
And I do so revel in that fascinating thought.
-----------------------------------------------

Our little piece of Heaven..

I'm tired of your optimism in life...
Baby can't you see....
It's robbing me of my love...
I'm not where I want to be tonight...

I'm loving you just as much...
You can't understand it seems...
Our love's causing us this pain...
Well, we weren't honest it seems...

I'm sorry to say we lost...
Baby, nothing else to say...
I'm sorry to say you gave up....
Baby, now we gotta pay...

Why does it seem so tragic now,
Our little piece of Heaven...??
We tried so hard to reach...
But there's nothing left to hang onto now...

Feeling nothing in a crowd...
I hear voices, but your all thats around....
Its sad our love got distant...
Now we know what we'll be missing....

You promised me your whole self...
I promised you the world...
It hurts that it wasn't enough...
Now we are just pretending, yea thats the word...

I'm sorry to say we lost...
Baby, nothing else to say....
I'm sorry to say you gave up...
Baby ,now we've gotta pay...
Baby, nothing left to say...
--------------------------------------

Unforgivable Fears...

Don't need you to remind me
Of things I havn't seen...
Don't want you to be
So critical of my obscurity.

I've known the stingy ridicule
Of casual but angry tears...
My thoughts are blistering still
They represent such unforgivable fears....

I wake up aside of silence...
Alone, but never so lonely...
When such tears caress my face...
Why have they only been mine for years?

Don't have you to
Hold me , i remember...
Don't want you to
see me so helpless...

It's safer when your away...
Just harder when your close...
It's sad i've got so much to say...
Only that it has to fade anyway.
-------------------------------------------------------

Part of me...

I'm trying to unwind...
Venture away from it all...
Its getting harder...
Your love is so tender...
All I know is I'm getting stronger...

I find hope...
Faith's opened its door...
Draw myself out...
I'm not bitter anymore.

So I come around...
And I break away...
And you surround me...
just you surround me...

It took me a little late...
To reveal this emptiness...
From which I had to seperate.

So now your surrounding me...
All I know is that I'm calm.

I was in a daze...
You seemed out of reach...
And I'm still so amazed...
Because all I know is I've found peace.

So I try to come around...
And I try to break away...
But your surrounding me...
Just your surrounding me...
Baby your all thats around me...

Now if I find you...
Which I always do...
But as time stands still...
All I hope is that I don't cry...
All I know is that I want to try...
I want to cry...
But i do so want to try...
I do so want ot try...
------------------------------------------------------

Raindrop...

Fall little raindrop
My incessant soul beckons

Touch the cores
Taste the light
Converge with the
trivial drops
Of longforseen desire

So fall little raindrop
Let my mind drift away....

Last Goodbyes..

I spent my days in longing for the nights...
When lights turned on in the darkness sublime...
Your a joy to me as i wonder today...
happiest tears, crumbling smiles..
all come from you and to you they belong...

should i walk along, you say...
if not, what could be done better...
broken hearts give life such...
like wounded knees had hurt us much...

the biggest blessing is you...
the rest became a bonus...
of wishes and dreams and sighs...
my sorrows became numb..

So wicked is god's humour
to have brought you to me...
I went from despair to sunshine
In mounting pleasures...

If i ask do beleive my urge...
let me walk with you tonight...
as i lie awake in the dark...
let you be that light...

First-hand ..( to Serenity...)

Pay heed to these omens....
Play along our games...
Eyes see beyond such wounds...
Words have become names...

Go far and far, into the ground...
Return ever so slowly here...
It's a different place, go back I say...
See only the surprises they angrily cheer...

Aaah, the pain shines over the blood...
At peace when a body such drains...
Laugh without a noise...
Only the soul has to remain...

The truth stays hidden...
Of that I make sure...
I'll torment these voices...
Shouts become pleas,born out of fears...

a terrorist takes home the flag....
When martyrs get lost in the sands...
And thats how they go back to the hole...
Incomplete and bruised, but with a Soul....

GET on with it...(Prison of the mind..)

Cry...I know you want to...
Crumble...you know you need to...

Endless darkness does no wonders now...
The Soul goes back to becoming a Soul...
Cuts and bruises, are all you see now...are all you see now...

Dazed too long, left you, wondering...
Loathe and degrade, why stop there...
Horror and harmony have met such fates...
Picked up and discarded,but all have been fair...

Be a child...hold on to wonder...
Innocent belief, so let it go soon...
The airs dissolve the pride and ego...
Leave them be, your getting there...your getting there...

Cut...I know you want to...
Bleed...you know you need to...

Perpetual screams make no tremors now...make no tremors now...
The voices have turned away...
Sighs and smiles are all you'll be now...all you'll be now...

Live...I know you want to...
Hope...you know you need to...

Darkness...

O lonely star!
Why come out now?
Do sense my ridicule
Unable to fathom it now....

O dreary night!
Why loom over now?
Emblem of our weakness
Unable to surpass it somehow....

Hale the hovering darkness!
Why no steps falter?
Sinful in its demise...
Soul-less in its character....

DEBAUCHERY...

So soon does debauchery set in...
That you hope not for that leap of faith...
Remorse is but a lacking...
So confirm my soul's passing.

Spontanoeus but numb....
For only I can see to what I succumb...
Against the heathen wall...
So mocked I may be
To the world I thus cannot call.

Bound by necessity...
Plundered by vain self...
Objective were my reasons...
SO how did I end up such a mess.

To the conscious world...
Full of breathing and rhetoric...
I asked just once...
Sadly their reply was non-committal.

Pushing forth my labour...
Never once the conscious dread...
So how was I to know...
So tangled were to be my threads.

I consume all my losses...
They seem not anymore.
Only does the critical eye see...
The pain that sets in with debauchery.

I may be a product of circumstance...
I don't deny this dignity.
But to where I wish to go...
It has failed to take me.

There's a quiet desperation...
My soul admits its subjugation...
My legacy thus has been but lenient...
A notch up it seems fairly outstanding.

Positive thoughts are rendered useless..
They fail as I did, it seems...
No soul-searching daylight dawns...
The stars are here to beam all night, it seems.
--------------------------------------------------

She claims it to be HERS...

It's fading, the streak..
Of the tear-drop
That befell...
A blemish never there
It'll seem in a while.

Rich in lament
Her desire stood
Wandering and beckoning...
Her future understood...

They pulled from all around...
None forseen
Thoughts when they aspire
Its never the use.

The child in her arms
Thought to be one too...
Hand in hand
Forever they stood.

Her past failed to catch up
She waits for it no more...
To run and run!
Remorse never the reason...
Hide that weakness
It'll haunt you even.

The child probes questions...
Not a word spoken...
Smouldering eyes exchanged
With a tenderness of kind.

She claims him to be alone...
Hers for the cause...
Push out those fears...
Notions just them all.
-----------------------------------------------

MISDEMEANOR speaks...

There are little pieces of glass
Where the rainbows should've been...
There's a tangy darkness
Where it never shoud've been...

I marvel at my black debris...
Its the 1 thing no one can match...
But it has what you'd want I hope...
A few dots of the fragments of my dried up soul....

Mediocrisy was never the thing for you...
But I seem to have proven insipid...
And it still won't stop me from tilting over...

You let me in, time and again...
But me being the jerk that I am...
Like the irregular winds of time...
My thrifty conscience let me down....

Live a little of the good things...
Precious little I've given though...
Loathe this slight plea of mine...
But please for your sake, do a little living...

I know no explanation can render peace...
I'm a lost cause it seems...
And my horror is real...

Sorry for falling a little short...
My cruelty is the only kindness i know...

I tried to lift myself up ,I swear...
But you were so high above me...
I guess I kind of got lost in the way...

Laugh a little please...
Dampen out my insensitivity....
It keeps lingering on even after I leave...

Even in the darkness, Im jaded and confused...
Even in the darkness, your still the light I saw....
Which I never got around to follow....

Sorry for falling a little short...
My cruelty is still the only kindness I know.
--------------------------------------------------

OF Bckhands and Bandwagons I speak...

Columns and columns of treacherous walls....
Liberty gains no reverence from all...
Perverted twists of the halos soon gather...
Dents on the road bring out their colour...

Disguising the warts and ghouls and gallows...
Same as always ...the friends and the foes.

Aggressively they climb that dingy ladder...
Wandering brings out no conscience it seems...
The sordid sob-stories now so much the better...
Perspectives diminish so effervescently it seems...

Washed out..drained..wasted in drunken sorrows...
Callous is in; serenity demeaned...
Your freakish today and trembling so...
Pathetic now but saner tomorow.

Don't stop just now
The natives are calling...
Scars of theirs, malicious so much closer...
Go on, your face does much talking...
The ropes you'll learn will bemuse you further....

Conscience is irrelevant
Lost it on the way...
So all your concern
Hovered in the wake.

Of light and darkness and indifference i speak...
Hoarse and wavering
Such noble creed shocks you today.

Dirt creeps up, stealthing and binding...
All labour and sweat, of hours of my making...
Dissapear i wish they would...
Harbouring horrors of un-imaginable goods.

It's so right to take them away...
Dangling with trepidition, i hold them close...
Knives are to be knives...
Same as always..my friends and foes.
-----------------------------------------------------

Fallen from Grace..(in Retrospect...)

Except us, either got to gain...
But it seems I leaped into faith too soon....
Hurt renders less of a pain....
This numbness is what suffocates me...

Our song seems like a lifetime ago...
Dreams are hung devoid...
Don't have the capacity to let you go...
But its me your trying to avoid...

Tears come in abandonment...
When all i beg of them is solitude...
Played along with our scribbles...
Now just dots leading onto oblivion...

There never was a certainity
Of our little stolen Heaven...
I clutch at my callous berevity...
Streaks of emotions for gotten even...

A lifetime I've come to dread...
As numbness seeps into my blood...
Little shakes of the head...
Where once a character stood.

Sweetheart...

I want to touch you
With my little endeavors...
To set alight your heart
Into the depths of forever...

Just once in a lifetime
To forget this sublime life....
To embrace the power of our love
The very essence of being alive....

Gems of thoughts
Do bring a sparkle...
Carrying us on tender hearts...
Like hesitant dewdrops on a premature petal...

This fleeting love dance
Is an experience I cherish....
To be lost and bound
This feelnig takes posessivness....

Memory to recall....
Glowing in the magical night...
Don't even want to imagine
That isolated moonlight...

My words are light caresses
For the hours to bring....
Dancing in the rain...
Until the summer left without a warning...

When will the dreams end...?
To brush us with reality...
But I won't let go of them...
Until your arms are around me...

Your the light beyond my sunrise...
Emanation of the passion I gather...
You give me life's meaning...
And to the cherished word, "together."
----------------------------------------------------

Floating Coins...

His pleading goes hoarse...
As laboured pride crumbles...
But his senses still prevail...
On the fortune he never owned.

The young ones take their time...
He never left his treasure.....
Their wobbly place in life...
They knew better than to call him near...

He moans his invisible losses...
A trade-off he signed long ago.
Now he's resigned in the consequences...
Dusky thoughts as he eyes it all...


Surrender he can't...
Surrender he couldn't...
The winds sound callous...
Who could he call now?
Who would call him now?

The old man sits by the curb...
Why is he lost in amusement?
A few floating coins his only turf.

Never bemoaned his zero losses...
Being resigned in his deeds...
He's amassed all of his grudges...
And polished up his speech...

The young ones rush forward...
He hugs them in tears...
Their solid presence to his life
Brought down many unforgivable fears...

Surrender he can't...
But surrender he would...
The winds sound softer...
HE would call him now...
Who could weaken him now?

Questions will have to be answered...
Nows not the time to begrudge...
Time has a way of weakening sorrows...
Nothing so clever as Retrospect.

Nothing else floats so frequently by...
As those unfullfilled dreams...
Darkness provides a cushion of sorts...
Stars aren't so reliable it seems.
--------------------------------------

WISHFUL THINKING...

Of this dream, of sunshine on Sundays...
I meet with silence alone...
I'd need a premonition to believe...
But I'd love the warmth of hope...

Its a thought my heart's shaking with...
Sadness is a useless fare...
I can't tell it to not...
It seems I never controlled its care...

No rewarding silences though...
I hope that I don't fall in love again...
To this joy I've been the closest...
I'd stay awake to feel its pain...

If we meet, it would be a blessing...
A gift for those childhood memories...
Hopes tainted, but is always so wishful...
Again and again, I keep on looking...

I took so long to break away from your gaze...
The rest of the times, what did I know?
I don't see much to begin with...
Only know I'll be alone if I fight them tonight...
Let only tears drain all feeling inside...

Don't let memories be just memories...
Seeping through our hands...
I need to be with you now...
Let our fates make amends...
If destinys don't care to join...
Let us create new memories for now...

If I give you hope ,you still cry...
No wings will suffice, cause you don't fly...

The one sorrow I cannot face...
That remembrance of happier days...
I want what I couldn't have then...
I get what I cannot take now...
-------------------------------------------

HEART .VS. MIND...

Unspoken rhymes, of long lost times...
Now kind of hurt my eyes...
step away from the fantasies...
Yet they laugh and make no sense...

it'l be light just yet...
been different but its time now...
I want what I couldn't have then...
I get what I cannot take now...

**It takes but a second...
To put out the flame...
Try as they might...
I'm not letting go again...**

**So you can't tell me
You don't see that Heaven...
It seems a long way
But I've seen it all beginning...**

Im alone and happy here...
Sorrow won't become my regret...

**lead on the heart...
Keep in touch anyway...
Life has gotten me this far...
I might need you on the way...**

**Live...I know you want to...
Hope...you know you need to...**
----------------------------------------------

CARNAGE..(in the making)

Down with your eloquent rhetoric...
Down with your instrumentality....

You can sieze my home
You can abuse my body
But
You cannot flinch my Will...

My passion for my priviledge
Is unbidden...
My search for freedom
Is eternal...

So fill your hearts with flimsy might...
And watch us all die in sacrifice...

Because my time will come...
Someday..Someway...
You wonder why?

Because I'm a warrior.
And you are a tyrant.

So meet me later...
And it'll be my turn to shake your rug.
--------------------------------------------

UPON that lonely Staircase...

A step away from fantasies...
Those cherished but cornered...
Unspoken rhymes beguile my senses...

Yet they are laughing at me still,
Sitting upon that lonely staircase....

Mocking my soul-searching...
A rapture confined no less...
Grabs hold of me still...

Gems of thoughts so come alive...
Quivering lips now allow a smile...
Yet they are treacherousLaughing at me still...
As i tread the forlorn heartUpon that lonely staircase....

Ascending the tides
Of the emotions unravelled...
Alluring such, they behave...
A weakness confined, no less....
Grabs hold of me still...
Yet they are musing
Laughing at me still...

Tearing in a daze...
The webs of tommorow...
The night grabs hold of me still...
But the stars abstain, no less...
Yet they are kind in their rancour
But laughing at me still...

To dampen out their ardent treachery...
Bit by bit, as it astounds me...
Their benevolence not deprived...
Im bewitched , no less....

Yet I aspire for
They laugh at me still....
When I descend into dreams bestowed
Upon that lonely staircase....
------------------------------------

VEILED....( in patches...)

I'm veiled...unveil me...
I'm turning to stone...caress me...

I sense my unimportance so soon...
They look but only to stare...
They come and move but never to me...
Pulling at the fabric already gone bare.

Little by little,inch by inch, I see....
They come and move, but never for me.

Shining and taunting, as the light becomes...
The tide drifts away still...
They all leave again and again...
Touch and caress, it seems I never will.

I'm veiled...reach out for me.

Fun and frolic they dance ahead...
Talent it takes to create such luxury...
Nurture is needed for simple pleasures...
Needs and wants, no difference for me.

Don't tempt me, i pray...
No words take their stand...
I'm veiled...unveil me....
I'm veiled...speak for me.

Defeated by the silence, my mind shuts up...
Innocent belief that couldn't hold up....
Shards of broken dreams, still prick my senses...
The wheels may still roll, but I sleep on pins and needles...

Why the grieving for me?
A sadness in your eyes that I don't see...
I'm veiled..unveil me...
Im veiled..come speak to me.
Im turning to stone...caress me.
-----------------------------------------------------------

HE walked Alone...

He walked alone...
Tender his steps....
Willful he once tried to be...

Never took sight...
What he faced too late....
Thought of dreams...
That deprived his purpose...

He reached down...
Compromised his steed...
Regained his-self...
But only slight...

Did he venture out too far?
Showed us his purpose...
Weakened his plight...
Willful he did try to be...

Sought out himself again...
Driven but into the mist...
Crossed over too soon...
Seeping into oblivion...

But he walked alone...
Tender were his steps...
Willful he so tried to be...

MInDboGgLinG

Behind my mind...
What goes on
One can never find...

What's found
are a lot of thoughts.

My dreams are invisible...
So you may seem a little blind.

Trying to focus...
The shield sublime........
ENTER you cannot.

SILENCE..is meaningless...until it surrounds you..

Caresses are the thoughts....
That subdue my gaze...
TO the treasure that I lost in vain...
My sighs become mute...


The lush tides
Of careening life
Sense their tragedy
A denial I seek
My screams are condemnation...

My ache stings of besotted tears...
That I long learnt to brush away...
A retrospect I lost
Silent and beguiling
They now burn in my soul...

So let me gaze
At the Heavens upon me...
A treasure I seek
Sighs and smiles
Silent but reborn are my emotions....

HOLLOW CHAINS...

**I sense hollow chains...
Supple and binding...
I seek to jump...
My heart keeps pounding....**

Im being discarded, I know...
By a body that long gave up on a soul...
It feels like Retribution...
Peace can always descend in later...

**As I sense these hollow chains...
Now coarse and binding...
I beg to jump...
My heart keeps floundering....**

I lost the need long ago...
To subscribe to honour...
I pushed forth my will...
Never once the conscious dread..

I don't deny the dignity...
That flimsy might shall give...
Desolate and broken...
These fragments of memories all live...

**As I sense these hollow chains...
Crushed but still binding...
I've lost the will to jump...
My heart loses feeling...**

I'm not the one to search and beg...
These shadows to move away...
To let an empty soul to pass...
As the body withers into the grave...

No tears condemn the walls...
And their stance doesn't fail...
Beckon and call I can never do...
As I cling to these hollow chains...

Its just these withered screams...
And the madness that always follows...

**Let these tremors subside for now...
Let me rest in my fake glow for now...
Of ashes nothing so heavenly...
As I've long been for now...**

Precarious in Leaving...

i dont know how and i dont know when...
we'l suppress this pain n move on to searching...
to know we've lived on alone, again n again....

our dreams..our lone treasures...
will have been foolishly discarded...
as we r now but ghosts of our souls...

Silences creep up seductively...
caressing the darkness bound within....
We could let go of foolish pride...
and gather up false pretenses...
Nothing so simple as it seems...
Why hide when you've got nothing left...

This distance, it kills...
When we meet time and again...
only heroes get their reward...
How long do i lay eyes...
for the steps of yours to come...
Ive drained and lost the innocence of it all....

Maybe it isnt the agony we allow it to be...
To yield, and bow as we humans do...
To discover again the rain falling outside...
Pain brings a freedom so aspiring...
it clings to our coat-tails...
and brings with it an agonizing light...

Sleep resists and our hearts relent...
meaningless words dont define the pain...
passage of time is thought to comprehend...
how artfully it comes to repaint....

as time passes by, logic fails...
I seek refuge in the madness that follows...
to be this weak is a dangerous dream...

owe nothing..regret nothing...
only the faint heart should speak...
strength is born of a malignant weakness...
we needed such a belief...
but will failed us, poetically in midst...
all those yrs werent there to be wasted....

now nothing suffices..no witnesses there...
We r failing miserably when we r to be needed...
but why let darkness effuse this light of love...
it brings with it a reverence of sorts...

because you say,
u know who you love...
you know its me..
you know its true...
i know your not well....
im in pain too...

the least we ever got...
was the most we ever knew....
---------------------------------------------